Every step

In my walk of life here recently, I have lived for signs. Signs that my son smiles down from heaven. Signs that I have hope in my future. Signs that I may end up alright.

I have seen signs on a daily basis, but one that I hope for always seems absent. I have spoken of the rainbows I saw during Leo's last days on earth. Every time it has rained since then I have searched the skies for a glimpse of another one. Many times it has poured down rain, and the sun continued to shine through it. I just knew that I would see a rainbow. Not once did one show up. I have been disappointed numerous times so far. Just yesterday the rain came down as the sun was setting and I ran outside the building at work, afraid I might miss one if he finally sent it.

There was no rainbow.

I didn't say anything, but inside I felt let down. I thought to myself,"I have been so patient! Why can't I just see a rainbow!? I have already been deprived of my precious son! Can I just see a fucking rainbow already!?" I came home from work and went to sleep.

When I awoke today, I decided to go on one of my long walks around the neighborhood. I got dressed and put on my walking shoes and left the house. As I walked, the sun came out from behind the clouds. I looked over at the grass on the side of the road and noticed something amazing.

There were little droplets of rain left on each blade of grass from the rain yesterday. When the sun came out and hit them at the right angle, each tiny drop became a prism and filled with an itty bitty rainbow.  I was overcome with happiness!

He hadn't been depriving me of my rainbows! He had been saving them up! On my entire walk, There were rainbows. Beautiful drops of color and it was in them that I saw my sign I had been frantically searching for in the sky.

It was as if he was letting me know that he is closer to me than the sky. He is here on this walk of life with me.

Every step of the way.