First of all let me just say this has been the most ridiculous day. So many things have happened I don't know where to start. Maybe I should just go in chronological order. Yes that is how we shall approach it.
Woke up. Still the same life. Damn.
While rushing to get my living son ready for preschool, I had the today show on the tv. Wasn't paying any attention to it until I heard the most beautiful voice I've ever heard singing opera. I have always been a closet opera fan so I wanted to see who this angelic voice was coming from. I imagined a 30 something in the seconds it took me to turn the corner but what I saw blew my mind. It was a child! A beautiful little child. It was shocking and I started crying for some reason. I don't know if I was crying because she was so talented, or because I thought about if Leo would have had a talent of those proportions. When she finished her song, I had tears streaming down my face. I'm just a mess. We ended up late for preschool.
I dropped my son off at school and decided to venture into extreme couponing land. I have heard of such things as getting items for virtually free and i wanted to experience it. I set out on a mission and 3 hours later I had acquired over $130 worth of stuff for under $30. What a rush. I scored lots of stuff I needed and also managed to get a lovely wind chime for my Leo garden on my patio. For free! It was the first exhilaration I've felt in months. Leave it to free shit to make my day better.
So in the couple of hours left before I had to pick up my son, I wanted to get creative. I wanted to create something for Leo's space. I put the clay in my hand and let it happen. When I finished I realized it was a simple but complicated piece. Simple because it doesn't consist of much, but complicated because of the feelings it conveys. I'll post a picture of it after I paint it and I think you will understand better. The day was going great at this point.
I went to pick up my son and we headed home. I checked the mail before going inside. The mail fucked it all up. I received one bill, one Carter's baby layette catalog complete with 20% off coupon, one sample of face wash from target, a notice of a package at the office, and the dreaded "finish off our registry!" coupon. I thought I had cancelled this whole situation. I had called three times to make sure that the registry was cancelled and I was taken off any mailing lists so as to avoid THIS coupon. It was due to come one month before my due date. It was two days late. Fuck me. I hadn't thought about "how long" in weeks. I didn't want to know what should have been. So much for canceling the bullshit.
I decided to go to the pool (my constant activity) and swim some laps to ease the sadness the coupon brought into my life. On the way I stopped by the office to see what the package was.
Enfamil gift package.
Jesus! Does it ever end!?
So now I'm at the pool crying into my towel while my son splashes in the baby pool. I don't really care who sees either. When I finally look up, I see a fellow baby loss mom (who I told you about previously) walking towards me. She tells me that she is an acupuncturist and she wants to offer her services to me to help me heal. I accept the offer and we hugged while I bawled. She totally understood. It made everything feel less severe to know that I wasn't alone in these things and that I have gained a new family. A family of women who have felt the worst pain in life, and gone on to live again. That is the goal. To live again.
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